So I've been watching a lot of Kati Morton LMFT's channel on Youtube about mental health specifically the ones about self-hatred to try to learn some techniques to fight it.
One of the things she recommended was writing down the flaws your mind tells you you have and then write rational thoughts that prove that isn't true. Since I've long since lost the ability to write with a pen, I'll do it here.
Everybody hates you and just pretends to like you out of pity to your face.
* No one is worth that much effort to pretend to hate someone. If someone truly hated you the amount your mind thinks they do, they would never want to speak with you again.
* You am a good friend who is there for people and I think a lot of people know they can count on you to talk them through or find solutions to most problems.
I am unattractive.
* You have beautiful eyes that change color.
* You have boyish looks that got me ID'd at a bar in Arizona even though I just turned 35.
* You also have an energy about you when you let your guard down and have fun that definitely helps other people have fun.
I will die alone.
* Who cares. You will be dead after you die. People die when they are killed!
* There is no reason I can't find a woman who is attractive to bigger men as long as I make sure I am healthy.
* Even if I do find out I'm truly aromantic and can't be in a relationships, I still have friends all around me.
I'm not worth the money I get from Social Security. I'm a leech on society... a Welfare Queen.
* Fuck that. You paid into the system and now you are using the system for what it's there for.
* You fought for 8 goddamn years and 2 court cases to get disability. You know you aren't faking the panic attacks, the night terrors that break furniture, or the depression that keeps you isolating yourself. Why punish yourself for using the help the country provides for the physically and mentally ill.
* You are not taking food out of someone else's mouth just because you are on welfare and you are no less worthy to be on welfare than anyone else.
I... think that's a good start...
