(Yes, I used an Adema ear worm of a song as the title for this... I feel no shame!)
I don't know if therapy today was helpful...
I'm realizing how much work I'm putting into improving myself and I'm loving the results. I'm self confident for the first time in a long time (if ever). I like myself and I'm learning that I can even eventually love myself.
Today my therapist questioned why I still want the gastric surgery when I'm losing weight on my own. I tried to explain my thought process to her but all I could manage was "I've put the work in to get approved for this surgery so I want to see it through."
As I drove how this part of therapy stuck with me. The truth is I don't want to be over 200 pounds anymore and I don't think I have the power to drop 80 pounds on my own through just diet and exercise. Is getting surgery giving up? No. Getting surgery is me realizing I need help and allowing myself to ask for it.
I'm not ashamed that I'm still getting surgery. I'm proud of the weight I lost and the milestones I've reached (2 months no caffeine! No NSAIDS!) but if there's a surgery out there I've spent 3 months mentally preparing myself for and changing my lifestyle and eating habits entirely for... why not get it?
I'm not selling out on myself by getting surgery, I'm buying into the person I'm becoming as I grow mentally and emotionally with these boosts in self image.
If I'm off-base, by all means tell me. But I'm very much of the mindset that my mindset isn't wrong here. I've made a lot of decisions the last few months to better myself and asking for Gastric surgery is not one I regret in the slightest.
